


That Old Feeling

by Gracemoon99



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Angst, Coping, Cuties, Death, F/M, Fluff, Old Age, Romance, older Daniel, older Peggy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 07:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6230080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gracemoon99/pseuds/Gracemoon99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel has just discovered that he is dying. This is how he and his wife, Peggy Carter, deal with this truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Old Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me a while ago and I have had it written for a few weeks, but I just never found time to post it. Evidently I love the idea of Peggy and Daniel as and old couple, living out their lives together. They are adorable! Please enjoy! Comments, questions, and all that jazz are always welcome! Thank you for reading!!

“Why didn't you tell me, Daniel?” 

 

He knew she would find out soon enough, she was the director of SHIELD after all, but he had hoped that he would get to tell her himself. 

 

“I didn't want to worry you if it was nothing.”

 

“This isn't nothing!!” She waved the prescription for his new medication around in her hand in anger. “Digitalis: helps to increase the strength of heart muscle contractions, change heart rate, and increase heart blood output for those with heart failure. Heart failure, Daniel?!?” She paced in the kitchen as he sat at the table, his half-eaten plate taunting him with the smell of a lean and savory filleted steak. “Daniel?!?” She snapped him out of his reverie. “Why are you acting so nonchalant about this? How long have you known?”

 

He paused not wanting to upset her.“A few months now. I started feeling out of breath at work so I went to the doctor and they did a few tests. And I didn't tell you because of the way you're acting now. You are already stressed with work, I didn't want you to get worked up about nothing, not unless it was important.”

 

“This is extremely important, Daniel. When were you planning on telling me, or were you just going to wait until your death bed to let me know that you are dying of heart failure?”

 

“Look,” he grabbed his crutch and stood, abandoning the thoughts of juicy steak, “I just got that prescription today, so I was going to tell you soon! I just wanted to find the right moment!”

 

“That ‘right moment’ should have been the moment you started to feel ill. I'm your wife, you should have told me right then and there!” Her voice kept growing in intensity; Peggy Carter rarely raised her voice, but right now she was louder than Daniel had ever heard her. It was quite intimidating. 

 

“I know.” He uttered, hoping that speaking in a lower voice would calm her. “I just- I didn't know how to handle it. I feel far too young to be dying. I suppose it just seemed like a dream rather than a reality.”

 

“Oh, Daniel.” Peggy placed the prescription on the table and pulled him into her arms. He sighed as he melted into her, holding on as tightly as he possibly could. 

After a few beats of silence she spoke, "How long?"

He hesitated, not wanting to lie to her, but afraid to tell the truth. "About a year or two."

She released a sob and somehow managed to hold him tighter, so afraid that if she let him go, he would disappear. "What are we going to do?"

~

Daniel retired from the FBI not long after Peggy discovered his secret because he knew that the stress of his job would worry her, and make his heart work too hard. She also began to spend more time at home, leaving her second in command, Nick Fury, to handle the bulk of her workload as long as he ran it through her. She rarely left Daniel's side, and as much as he loved her company, he didn't want her to abandon her job because of him. He often expressed these thoughts to his wife only to have her respond with: "Daniel Sousa, I have spent a majority of my life running SHIELD, I think I can survive a few years out of the office without it all going to hell." 

"Have you done your exercises today?" Peggy called from the bathroom as she fixed her hair. They were headed to a banquet held in honor of the 40th anniversary of the founding of SHIELD, hosted by Howard Stark. Peggy was very adamant in refusing her invitation, but, with Daniel's help, Howard had convinced her otherwise, saying that she is the Director of SHIELD and that it is her obligation to make an appearance at this party. Daniel only wanted to go because they hadn't been to a party in years, and he was dying to get out of the house. 

"Yes...?" He responded as he fixed his tie in the mirror. "Of course I did!"

"Mmmhmm. What about your medicine?"

"Shit!" He whispered as he began to rummage through the pill bottles on his bedside table. He takes more medicine on a daily basis than he breathes oxygen now-a-days. As he swallowed the pill, he saw Peggy walk into their bedroom in a long, deep blood-red gown and his jaw dropped . "Damn, Peg! You look fantastic!"

"You don't look so bad yourself, mister."

Daniel turned to look at himself in the mirror. "I don't know about that. I'm more salt than pepper these days. I mean, look at my hair, do you see all this grey?"

"I think it makes you look mature." She stepped behind him and rested her chin on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms across his midsection. "And," she slid her right hand farther down his stomach until she reached the seam of his dress pants, "After all, I am attracted to mature men." SHe seductively raked her fingers along his lower abdomen and he shivered at the feeling.

"You're a tease." He chuckled. 

"You're too easy." She giggled as she nipped his ear. "Come on. We're going to be late for the party."

"Yes ma'am."

"It's Madam Director to you." She retorted. 

"My apologies, Madam Director."  
He laughed as he picked up his crutch and left the bedroom. 

~

Daniel was not Daniel anymore, he was more like a horny teenager than a grown man and it tickled Peggy; however, out of fear that his heart would give out, she refused to give in to his antics, which is why she sat in the doctor’s office with her head in her hands. 

 

It was time for Daniel’s monthly check-up with his cardiologist and she had practically begged him to let her come because, now that she knew about his condition, she wanted to be a part of every doctor’s visit, every procedure, and every consultation. He had been bursting to ask Dr. Kindler an extremely important question since his last appointment, and it just so happened that this question involved his and Peggy’s intimate relationship.

 

“So, Doc, is it still healthy for me and my wife to, you know?” Daniel raised his eyebrows and Peggy hid her face in embarrassment. They never talked about their sex life outside of their home or the privacy of one of their offices, especially not with strangers, and Dr. Kindler was definitely a stranger to Peggy.

 

“Yes. Intercourse is perfectly healthy for you. Actually, that level of cardiovascular endurance is very healthy for your heart, but, if you start to feel any kind of pain, take a break, okay? Don’t work yourself too hard.” Dr. Kindler smiled.

 

“See, Peg. I told you!”

 

“It was a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Sousa. Daniel, I’ll see you next at our next appointment on the sixteenth. You two have a good day.”

 

“Thank you, Dr. Kindler. You too.” Peggy called after him, finally removing her face from the shelter of her hands. Once he had left the room, Daniel started buttoning his shirt back up, and Peggy swatted his arm. “I can’t believe that you asked him that!”

 

“Hey, it was a valid question. And on the bright side, you no longer have to worry about me blowing a gasket while I make sweet, sweet love to you.” He winked at her.

 

“You are absurd, Daniel Sousa.”

 

“That’s why you like me.” She smiled as he placed a lingering kiss on her cheek.

~ 

“The bottle is almost full.” She stared him down as pools of salt water welt up in her deep brown eyes.

 

“Peggy-” 

 

“Daniel, this is the only thing that can keep you alive, and you are refusing to take it? Do you have a death wish?” The tears spilled then, and Peggy quickly wiped them away. “This stubborn behavior is going to get you killed, and I’m not ready to lose you. “I’m so sorry, Peg. I have been so selfish throughout this entire thing that I forgot what effect this has on you. Really, Peg, please forgive me.” 

 

“Of course I forgive you, i just need you to try a little. Please. We still have another forty years to spend getting on each others nerves.”

 

“So we’re going to live to be 109, then?” Daniel laughed and wiped Peggy’s red and inflamed cheeks. After all the water had been swept away he held her face in his hands. “I love you, babe.”

 

“And I you. You silly old kook!” She kissed him sweetly on the lips and he pulled away quickly.

 

“Dance with me!” He proposed.

 

“What?”

 

“Dance with me!” he repeated as he walked over to the old record player and browsed through their vast collection of music ranging from the thirties to the eighties until he found the one he was looking for. “Come on,” he placed the record on the turntable and moved the needle over it, “We haven’t danced in ages.”

 

“It’s very late, Daniel.” Soon the sound of Nat King Cole’s ‘Somewhere Along the Way’ filled the living room and Daniel walked over to her, removing his crutch and resting it on the couch. Peggy watched him for a moment until she could no longer resist. She slid her arms over his shoulders and held him close. 

 

They swayed to the music for a few minutes, and, when the song ended, she pulled away and looked into his eyes. He flickered his gaze to her supple lips, which were still a crimson red, even after a long day at work. He leaned in and slowly placed his lips to hers, lingering there for a moment before she deepened the kiss, lacing her fingers at the base of his skull. What was once supposed to be a gentle kiss soon became more heated and eager than they had expected. Without hesitation they moved to the couch. Once there Peggy straddled Daniel and he began to unbutton her blouse. As the next song on the album began to play, Peggy and Daniel became wrapped up in one another, memorizing every movement, and sound, and scent, letting the world around them vanish into nothing.

 

~

 

Peggy awoke to the brightness of the early morning sun piercing through the curtains of their bedroom window. After their rendezvous in the living room, they had moved into their room, and proceeded to pleasure each other until the very early hours of the morning. They hadn’t had sex since before Daniel’s heart started failing, and, because of all of the emotions that they had pent up for months, it was the best sex they had in years. She moved onto her back to stretch her muscles that were now stiff from all of the love making, and turned to her sleeping husband, resting her head on his shoulder.

 

“Daniel, what do you want for breakfast? The kids and grandkids are coming over in a few hours and I need to start getting everything ready.” He didn’t respond. “Daniel?” She called his name, hoping that he was in deep slumber and that he hadn’t heard her the first time. “Daniel, wake up!” Peggy started to panic. Please don’t be dead! Please don’t be dead! She thought as she sat up and proceeded to shake his shoulders. Tears were spilling from her eyes now. “Daniel?”

 

“Huh? What?” Peggy collapsed onto him with a huff and held him tight, tears still pouring from her chocolate orbs onto his night shirt. “Peggy? What’s wrong?”

 

“Oh. God,” she sobbed “I thought you were dead. I’m fine. I’m alright.” Peggy quickly sat up and stepped off of the bed. “I’m just going to go make breakfast.” She couldn’t stop crying, and her heart was still pounding in her chest. She left the room as quickly as possible, not wanting Daniel to worry about her.

 

“Peg! Wait!” Daniel called after her. She swiftly walked down the stairs in the hopes of buying some time to compose herself, knowing that it Daniel a while to descend them every morning. Once she made it to the kitchen she put a pot of water on the stovetop and removed the eggs and cheese from the fridge and grabbed an onion, a tomato, and some basil off of the counter.

 

When Daniel finally caught up with her, she was already halfway through making the second omelet and, despite her best efforts, she was still sobbing uncontrollably. 

 

“Peggy?” He moved next to her. “Peggy, look at me.” she kept her focus on the omelet. “Peg, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I’ve got a good few years left, remember? We’ve got buckets of time.”

 

She turned off the eye and turned to him, finally looking at him with puffy eyes. “Two years is nothing in comparison to the time we’ve spent together, Daniel.” She turned back to the task at hand and moved the omelet onto a plate with the spatula.

 

“That may be, but it is all the time we have left, and we can’t spend it fighting like we have been, or crying like you are now. We need to be spending it like we did last night, and like we will later when the kids and their families get here.” Daniel took her hands in his, “I love you, and these moments we spend together may be our last, so let’s make the most of them.” He placed a single kiss on her forehead and ordered, “Now, sit down and let me serve you like a proper husband.”

 

“That’s not necessary, Daniel.” She giggled.

 

“Oh yes it is. Sit down Missus.” Peggy took a seat at the table and poured herself a glass of water. Daniel grabbed her plate and wobbled in her direction, and, right as he was going to place the plate in front of her, he stumbled, and, in the process, spilled her drink all over her and dropped the plate on the floor. 

 

He paused in shock as she looked around at the mess he had made. She suddenly burst into laughter, the mirthfulness of which caused his own laughter to bubble up from within him. Right as she stood to pick up the plate the doorbell rang.

 

“I’ll get it.” Daniel moved towards the kitchen door.

 

“Oh, no you don’t. You are going to clean all of this up. You caused it after all.” She smiled as she sauntered past him, shirt soaked and covered with bits of egg.

 

Peggy opened the door to find her daughter Isabelle, her son-in-law Jameson, and her three grandchildren: Albert, Charlie, and Martha; early as usual.

 

“Mom!” Her daughter greeted. “Why are you covered in eggs?”

 

“Because your father is a mess.” She plainly stated. She smiled as she opened the door all the way and said, “Come on in.”

 

~

 

Not long after Isabelle arrived, her brother, Michael, and his family knocked on the front door. By lunch everyone in the Carter-Sousa family was packed into Peggy and Daniel’s house enjoying sandwiches and listening to Charlie, Izzy’s second son, play the piano from the living room. The rest of the day was spent playing games in the backyard, catching up on recent accomplishes made by Peggy and Daniel’s six grandchildren, and talking about anything and everything; except, of course, Daniel’s condition, which was now just a secret between the two of them.

 

After lunch everyone sat in the living room. The kids were playing a card game with Elizabeth, Michael’s wife, while Jameson, Izzy, and Michael sat on the couch opposite of Peggy and Daniel talking about nothing in particular. Soon little Adelaide, Michael’s two year old, teetered her way over to Peggy, tired of the toys she had been playing with at her father’s feet.

 

“Hi there sweetie!” Peggy greeted as she hoisted the little tot onto her lap. “You’ve gotten so large since I last saw you! And so beautiful too!” Peggy entwined one of Addie’s golden ringlets around her finger and admired its silkiness.

 

Daniel watched as Peggy talked with their little granddaughter, tickling her and peppering her tiny hands and face with sweet kisses. The longer he watched the interaction, the deeper he fell in love with Peggy. He thought that it was impossible to love her any more than he did, but he continued to fall in love with this beautiful and capable woman every single day. After Adelaide became bored with her grandmother, she fussed, and Peggy released her from her grasp to go play with her toys again. Peggy turned, only then noticing that Daniel was observing her from his seat on the couch next to her.

 

“What is it?” She inquired after seeing how emotional her husband was all of a sudden.

 

“Nothing, I just love you so very, very much.” He leaned in and kissed her deeply. They’re moment was interrupted when Michael spoke.

 

“What is with you two?”

 

“Oh, it’s nothing, dear.” Peggy shot a glance at Daniel. “It’s something only grandparents would understand.” She slid closer to Daniel and nuzzled her head into the crook of his shoulder, remembering the night they had spent on the couch.

 

~

 

At around four in the afternoon, Peggy received a phone call from the secure line in the basement, and, for the next three hours, proceeded to give orders to agents and other officers in command all over the world. Something bad had happened, and Daniel knew this because he heard her say a few choice words to whoever was on the other end of the phone, and continue to scold him or her for an hour. When Peggy finally resurfaced from the basement everyone was outside playing some sport, football, maybe, or maybe baseball? She looked absolutely exasperated. 

 

"Are you alright?"

"Ugh." She collapsed on the couch next to her husband who had been 'reading a newspaper' (he'd been eavesdropping on her conversation). "It's been a chaotic day."

"Well it's almost over, and the kids are coming back tomorrow, so we'll be able to play with all of the grandkids again. Tomorrow will be better I promise."

Peggy was lying on the couch now, her head pressing against the armrest. Daniel moved her legs onto his lap and started massaging her sore legs. She sighed and seemed to sink into the cushions beneath her. "You are a godsend." She muttered, closing her eyes and taking a moment to relax. 

He rubbed her legs and feet for a few moments until he spoke, "I need to start forming my will."

"Daniel, I'm not ready to have this conversation.” She closed her eyes and pressed her hands to her face. 

 

"Well I am and this is important to me, Peggy. I need you to help me with this."

She sat up then, pulling her legs from his lap and crossing them Native American style as she faced him. He knew she was tired and done with the day, but he needed to get something off his chest, and, well this was a perfect time as any. 

 

“Daniel, you still have a year or two left-”

 

“Not necessarily. I could have a heart attack and die, or fall down the stairs, or maybe the doc was wrong, and I only have a month left.” Her face, which was already contorted into a scowl from the stress of the day, fell then, and, for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, her eyes began to fill will pools of water. Daniel didn't want to upset her anymore than he already had, but he needed to make sure he gave something to her, something extremely important to him. “Peg, I don't want to make your day any worse, but we need to talk about something.”

 

She wiped the tear that had escaped in an effort to compose herself and spoke, “okay. What is it?”

 

“Well, obviously all of my possessions will go to you and the kids, but I think all of the furniture should stay here until you… You know.” 

 

Peggy nodded in agreement. “Of course.”

 

He continued, “You can do what you wish will the small trinkets I've acquired over the years, but I do not want you to hold onto everything. You can't just sit in this house for the rest of your life missing me, understand?” He forced a laugh. 

 

“Yes, sir.” She saluted him sarcastically. 

 

“But there is one thing that I need you to hold onto for me.” Daniel reached beneath the collar of his shirt and unclasped the medallion he wore around his neck. Grabbing her by the wrist, he pressed the small chain into her hand. 

 

“Daniel. No.” The tears in her eyes fell freely now, and she had no way of stopping them. “You can't give this to me. Not now. Please don't.”

 

This medallion was one of great importance to Daniel. During the war he and his comrades were on a scouting mission in Germany, trying to find a way through the blockade that had been formed around their allies by Hydra. In the darkness, he saw the light of the moon reflecting off of this small piece of metal, and as he bent down to retrieve it, a land mine exploded behind him- right where he was standing moments before- and blasted him across the field. As the blood poured out of his now demolished leg, he held onto the medallion tightly, thanking God for this small trinket that had saved his life. From that point on, Daniel wore that necklace and never removed it; he considered it his good luck charm, and, as long as he wore it, he knew he would be safe. 

 

By removing it from around his neck, Peggy knew that Daniel was ready to die; he was willing to let his life end, and this token was his whole life passed on to hers- no more fighting for survival, no more prayers and hopes for a longer life. She could not control the river of salt water that streamed down her face as he held her hands, she couldn't even look at him. 

 

“Hey, Peg. Look at me.” He tilted her chin up and held her face in his hands. “I love you with all that I am. You have been the greatest friend, partner, lover, and wife, and until my last dying breath I will make sure that you know that. Everyone dies, Peg, you know that. But even after all evidence of who I was and what I have done has withered into dust, I will still love you. The is the only object in my possession that means anything to me, and I want this to be your piece of me when I'm gone. This is only ‘lucky’ to me because I thought it was, but I knew that assumption was wrong the moment I met you. You have brought me luck Peggy. You have made me the happiest man on this earth. You used to think that death and destruction followed you, but, Peggy, love and happiness have always been right behind you. You have a strength and an allure that attracts all people, and that is why you are my good luck charm. You will always be the greatest gift that I have been allowed to receive. I will always be a part of you, just as you have always been a part of me.”

 

Peggy looked at the necklace in her hands and she started crying even harder, if that was possible; she had cried more today than she had in a very long time. Daniel pulled her closer to him and she rested her forehead against his. “You have always had a way with words, haven’t you?” He smiled and pressed his lips tenderly against hers; this kiss was not like the others they had shared on this couch in recent days, but it was more of a goodbye, a gentle, yet meaningful symbol that could never be expressed with words. When he pulled away she was still crying, but the sobbing had subsided, and her face and cheeks were puffy and tear-stained.

 

At this moment, their children, Michael and Isabelle, entered through the back door and stopped in their tracks when they saw the state that their mother was in.

 

“Mom, Dad, What’s going on?” Isabelle’s words startled Peggy and Daniel, who both automatically began to readjust themselves on the couch while Peggy hurriedly wiped the tears off her cheeks.

 

“Yea,” Michael pressed, “You guys have been acting very strange all day.”

 

Peggy and Daniel looked at each other, and through an unspoken exchange decided that now was as good a time as ever, and, on the other hand, they didn’t want to lie to their children.

 

“Come sit on the couch, guys.” Daniel said in a calm voice. Once the two siblings were sitting opposite them, Daniel began to speak, “You were right in thinking that something was up. Your mother and I have something to tell you.”

 

As Daniel told their children the story of his heart disease and the medication and the time he had left, Peggy started thinking about all of the mistakes she had made in her life. The one she most regrets was letting Daniel walk into a trap set for her on their honeymoon, but there were countless others. Like the time when she kept her first pregnancy secret for three months in the hopes that something would go wrong and she wouldn’t have to be a mother, which, now, seemed a ridiculous notion; or when she got angry with Isabelle and told her that her job was more important than her daughter, also ridiculous; or when she made Daniel believe that she didn’t love him for more than a month because she didn’t want him to get wrapped up in a dangerous case. She had done many things she regretted, and right now she wished that she were dying of heart failure too so that she wouldn’t have to spend one moment without Daniel in her life; however, she wasn’t, and he was dying, and suddenly the floodgates broke again and, not wanting her children to see her in such a terrible state, she ran into the kitchen, sobbing for the hundredth time in one day.

 

When their mother had ran into the other room, Daniel had told Michael and Isabelle that Peggy was not having a good day, and that this whole ordeal had taken more of a toll on her than it had on him. As he said this he stood, moving to go comfort his wife, but his daughter shot up, “No. I’ll go. I want to talk to her.” Isabelle left the living room and walked into the kitchen to find her mother with her arms resting on the countertop in an effort to support the dead weight of her grief.

 

“Mom?” She approached her and placed her hand on the doleful woman’s shoulder, rubbing it in small, soothing circles. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“That’s all we’ve been talking about!” She snapped suddenly regretting the outburst as she saw the look of sorrow in her daughter’s eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s just, it’s been our secret for the past few months, and now that it’s no longer between the two of us, I – it just makes it more real.” Peggy grasped Isabelle’s hand. “I’m not sure if I can lose him. Not yet.”

 

“Oh, mom…” Isabelle pulled her mother into a strong hug, holding Peggy while the secret and all the emotions that were associated with it spilled out of her amongst her tears.

 

~

 

Daniel died within the year. Every night leading up to his death, he would hold Peggy against his chest, kissing her head and telling her how much he loved her. They would recount memories of their time at the SSR, and they revealed secrets about their jobs that they had kept from each other for years out of secrecy. They never left each other’s sides, and until his last moment, Peggy would kiss him, and hold his hand, and tell him that he was her good luck charm. She wore the medallion, as he had asked her to, and it never left her neck, not even after she died some thirty years later.

 

She would often find herself humming to his favorite song, “Come Fly with Me” by Frank Sinatra, or reading their old case files in an attempt to remember all of the adventures they had experienced together. He was still a very present part of her life even after her memory had begun to fade. She never forgot him- not for one moment. Daniel was everything to her, and until her death, she told him that she loved him, even if he couldn’t hear her. Their love was infinite, and ever-present in the spirits of their children, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Peggy and Daniel shared a love that outlived every material object, every life, every era, and until time itself began to fade into nothing, they still loved each other. Love is rare and incandescent, but it outlives all things tangible and intangible, just as theirs did.


End file.
